A Matter of Perspective
At the age of forty, I was told I needed glasses. Apparently, the projector at church was in focus each Sunday morning. My eyes, however, were not. I moaned and groaned at the idea of joining the rest of my family in wearing eyewear. But, once I placed my prescription lenses across my nose, I was in awe of how clear everything became. I wondered how much I had missed with my fuzzy view. Now I can see distances I could not before. All I needed was a different perspective (and a prescription but go with me here).
Our perspective, in any given situation, matters. I think we know that or have at least heard it before. But we must keep in mind how we can each have a different perspective in the same situation. Had a fight with a friend? I guarantee when you and your friend recount what happens, your stories will not be identical.
What role does our perspective play in dealing with disappointments? In my own recent situation, my perspective says, “I was mistreated, and situations were not handled with integrity.” But I know, from my years of experience of communicating with other humans, the perspective of other people involved may be saying, “That didn’t go as we had said, but we have to figure out how to make this all work because she up and left.” Who is wrong? Me? Them? All of us? No one?
Technically, no one is wrong. Both are true, and both are valid. Then, who is in the wrong? Maybe we both are. Maybe no one. If no one is at fault, then why am I disappointed? Because while both perspectives are valid, one does not negate the other. I still view what happened as wrong, yet I do not hold ill feelings toward anyone involved because I am aware their perspective is vastly different from my own.
We may be getting a two for one deal in this chapter on dealing with disappointments. When we realize and acknowledge our perspective is not the only one involved, we are better able to confront our own feelings without begrudging or berating others. There is no value in verbally assaulting someone else simply to soothe ourselves. It doesn’t work.
Failing to see a situation from any perspective than our own leaves us sounding (and acting) like spoiled brats throwing a tantrum in the middle of a grocery store. But, we are better than that. We are people who can clearly see both our own hurt, and that the story may differ when told by others. Oh how we love to wallow in our own misery, and pull as many people as we can into it with us. Let’s be honest, we love to hear, “You are right! I can’t believe they did that to you! You poor thing!” We want to be justified, outside of our own heads, in our feelings. We want to be right, it’s how we are.
As disappointments come, we must learn to yes, acknowledge the many emotions we are experiencing, but we must also be mature enough to know our sight might be limited. Our story may be lacking lines that would add to the understanding of the plot. Until we admit our view of an event may be limited, we will endure more pain than necessary when disappointments come our way.
Time-out. We need a big disclaimer here. Maybe I am being too sensitive. Maybe I have spent too much time on social media observing the many ways people respond to any given post. Maybe I just want to clarify something for those who are walking in extreme hurt and betrayal. There is no justifying abuse, of any kind. Trying to understand an abuser may allow us to show empathy and eventually forgiveness, but there is never a reason abuse should be excused. This chapter should not be used against victims of abuse to tell them they should remain in a dangerous situation, or that the abuse is their fault. I hope and pray those in abusive relationships get out, quickly, and receive the help they need to heal emotionally, physically, spiritually, and mentally. For those exiting abuse, or considering doing so, the perspective you need to have is this: Love does not abuse. You are worthy of love, of being cared for and protected. You have the right to hold your abuser accountable to the full extent of the law. You can forgive. You can heal. You did not, nor will you ever, deserve to be treated so poorly. Abusive behavior is never justified, or right, and it should never be accepted.
Play ball. I wonder how many disagreements I have had that were actually a differing of perspectives. Probably all of them. I know my husband and I may have a fight about our budget, but in reality, we are arguing over how we perceive our money should be spent. All too often, we are disappointed because our perceptions did not become reality. And that stinks! We can agree on this point.
As we learn, as we grow, as we encounter more of life’s ups and downs, and twists and turns, we need to realize how our perceptions lead us to interpret any given situation. We should be aware other people will have perspectives that do not match our own. This does not invalidate our disappointments, but they will be eased as we realize the world is not out to get us after all.