Who’s your safety net?
I want you to take part in a little activity. You will need a pen or pencil (marker, colored pencil, eyeliner pencil, anything that writes), and a piece of paper. Got it? Great. Also, you will need a piece of paper. Now, draw a circle on the paper. (Mine looks more oval than circle, but whatever. Be a rebel, draw a square.) Inside the circle, write the names of the people you trust the most. There can be one name, there can be ten, the number is up to you. Write down the names of the people you call when you have amazing news to share or need to talk about a heartbreak.
The names inside your circle (or square for you rebels) are your safe people. These are the people you trust with good and the ugly in your life. The people you listed are your safety net, the ones who keep you from free falling into oblivion. These are the people who show up, time and time again, regardless of the need.
When walking through disappointment, these are the people who listen to us rant and rave. They are the ones who are unafraid to acknowledge the hurt, and the anger. In fact, my safety net people often address those things before I do. They help me to feel all the feelings. These are the people I can lose my cool with and love me still. These precious few talk me down from the ledge, and sit with me in the pit. They are the ones who have heard and held my story with tender hands. I’m grateful for them, and would be lost without them.
Not everyone can be trusted with our heavy hearts. I have learned that lesson the hard way. The pain of having our own hurts hurled back into our faces and used against us it gut wrenching. Or, there are those who do not know how to hold our stories in sacred places, and choose to share them with whoever will listen instead. Ouch. Double ouch. Keep the nosy gossips at an arm’s distance. They do not belong in our inner circles, nor should they be given a seat in the vulnerable places in our lives.
When my own circumstances went haywire just a month ago, it was a friend who first said, “You must feel so betrayed, and hurt.” Before she spoke those words, I could not even voice what I was thinking. But, she nailed it completely and accurately. Her words were comforting in light of the situation, and I am so grateful she was there. There are other friends who spoke assurances to me and over me. Some reminded me of the good that had happened because I had said “yes” to that opportunity. Another reminded me of the gifts and talents God has given me. And still another simply proclaimed, “Sweet, I can’t wait to see what God does next!”
Each person in my inner circle responded differently, but all made me feel loved and supported. The friend who causes me to see my own wrong doing, and calls me out on my own junk is as precious and needed as the one who is the constant cheerleader. I need them because I need safe places to process my disappointments.
As you look at the names in your inner circle, think of how they have walked alongside of you. When you nearly jumped out of your skin with excitement, and when you were not sure you could get out of bed in the morning, what were they doing? What were they saying to you? Who was okay sitting in the silence and the yuck with you? Those are the ones to reach to when you face disappointment. Those are the individuals who will show up time and time again.
My safe people are also the ones who teach me how to show up for others. I am learning, from their example, how to be trusted when others face disappointments. They are teaching me how to “rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep” (Romans 1:15).
Call them your inner circle, your safe people, your tribe, your peeps, whatever you choose. But you must call them when disappointment threatens to sweep your legs out from under you. You will need them. You will need their wisdom, their wit, their strength, and their fierce love for you. You will need to be reminded you are not alone, that you don’t have to fall under the weight of your circumstances. Those names you wrote inside the circle? Those are the ones you reach out to because they will be there to hold you up, to walk with you, and see you through to the other side.
The names inside my circle (that really looks like an oval) are the ones who are cheering on this book. They are the ones who ask me to read what I have written so far. And they are the ones telling me to keep writing. Go ahead, jump ahead to the acknowledgments, their names will be there. I guarantee I smiled as each name was written. And I know, they will be the first ones to celebrate the completion of these pages. They will be reminding me of the circumstances that led to writing this book. This book, birthed out of disappointment, to offer help and hope to those who would read its pages, has been championed by the safest, most Spirit led people I know.