Channel your inner Hulk
Halfway through the previously mentioned kickboxing class, we pulled the bags out. Yes! Finally, we were about to kick and punch something. We had already done roughly one thousand and twenty-two lunges and squats, but this was the moment we had been waiting for. Kick, jab, jab, kick. Roundhouse, jab, jab. Man did it feel good to take out the day’s frustrations on that bag. Someone may have yelled, “No mercy!” But, that may have happened only in my head, who knows. What I know for sure is the intentional aggression towards that bag felt really, really good.
Lashing out at people, either verbally or physically, is never beneficial. Regardless of the circumstance, bashing someone’s face in is not an appropriate way to handle disappointment. Look, I get it. It would be nice to let the fists fly sometimes, to see the person causing you pain fall flat on his or her face. But friend, there are better ways to cope. Channel your inner Hulk and smash things, not people. Also, make sure the things you smash do not belong to other people. Destruction of people or property is bad, always. Okay? Find a kickboxing class, a karate class, hammer nails into a wooden board, play racquetball, get out your need to destroy something in a healthy manner.
Many people have forgotten smashing other people’s property or other people are inappropriate at this time in our society. Seriously, folks are a bit out of hand right now, and their disappointment is at an all-time high. A friend of mine owns a great pizza place in time. The other day, a customer strung together cuss words and wished death upon my friend. Why? The customer didn’t think there was enough sauce on their pizza. Sauce! This person turned into a cursing maniac over pizza sauce! Can you imagine when a real disappointment comes along in their life? Take cover y’all, it’s about to get real! This person clearly has issues, and is in desperate need of appropriate ways to handle their frustrations. A punching bag needed to be rolled out for them. Maybe then my friend wouldn’t have been subjected to an unwarranted verbal lashing complete with language that would make a sailor blush. (Random question, do sailors really have potty mouths? I think they get a bad rap with this saying. But, I digress.)
As much as I love jogging out my feelings and frustrations, sometimes I just want to smash things. When I feel disappointed and destroyed, I want to turn and destroy something. Maybe that is our human nature, our belief in an “eye for an eye.” I don’t know, but it is a pretty common response. So fine, smash something, but make sure you are not smashing someone’s face, business, property, or anything that may result in criminal charges.
According to therapist Laura Chackes, rage and sadness aren't inherently unhealthy, but "problems arise when instead of reaching out for support, we isolate ourselves." If you feel that being around others while you're angry makes you feel worse, that's OK — but make sure that when your anger has subsided, you're checking in with a support network about it. Chackes says, "if we start avoiding healthy people and activities and stay in our heads ruminating about how terrible we feel," that's a concerning reaction. Reaching out, even if it's just to a trusted friend to vent, is helpful and necessary.
Sadly, in my five minute internet search to find support in safely smashing things when dealing with disappointment, I did not find much support. Granted, I could have worded my question better or taken a little more time, but so it goes. What I know, from my own experience, is that intense feelings sometimes need an intense response. Yes, we have to acknowledge them, have safe people to talk to, and safe ways to release those feelings, I have found the best outlet is to strap on some boxing gloves and go to town on a punching bag.
There is something to be said for visualizing what the disappointment is on the very surface we are striking. And when we step back, sweat dripping down our faces, with arms overhead to catch our breath, the burden we walked in carrying is no longer so heavy.
Twenty years ago, when my disappointment and anger stepped into that kickboxing class, I walked out feeling calmer, and free. Towards the end of class, when the instructor said we were going to have a contest to see who could last the longest doing uppercuts into the bag, I gritted my teeth and would not stop until I knew I was the last one punching. I didn’t care about the aching in my body, or the lack of air in my lungs. All I knew was I could control this one moment. When everything else felt so out of my control, I could control how long I punched that bag. It was squarely on my shoulders to outlast the perfectly proportioned blonde across from me. I got to decide whether or not I would stop before any male in the room.
With every strike of the bag, I was taking back control, and restoring order, if only in my head. When that blonde looked at me and said, “I didn’t think you were ever going to stop,” I smiled and said, “I wasn’t, not until I knew I was going to win.” And it wasn’t merely because she was fitter than me, and based on our physiques alone, everyone would have assumed she would win. No, it was because disappointment came rushing in that day and threatened to sweep my legs out from under me, but I decided to not go down without a fight.
At the end of the day, it does not matter one iota that I won the contest in class that day, it really doesn’t. What’s important is I found a way to channel every situation and emotion in a healthy manner. I was able to get out everything I was feeling without complaining, or lashing out at anyone. The physical act of hitting that bag helped me to release what burdened me all day, and I walked away with a better perspective. Only after I had unfurled my aggression in a safe and healthy manner, could I choose my next best step.
Channeling our inner Hulk does not have to mean we destroy everything in sight. It means we find appropriate ways to unleash our desire to rip it all to shreds. Friend, assaulting another person, whether with our words or our fists, is never the right answer. When disappointment looms heavy, strap on those boxing gloves, offer to help on a demo project, and go to town. When you have swung all you can, take a deep breath, and know you are capable of moving on and moving forward. Your disappointment will not define you, or destroy you. It may be the detour you needed to move you to the place you were always meant to be.